We matter

Had to take a cultural diversity training today. Some of my coworkers were surprised that I had experienced micro aggressions. Wonder how they would react if they knew the racism and prejudice that I have had to face. People trying to put me in a box and not being able to wrap their minds around the fact that I am not a walking stereotype.

My experience is one of trying to find the balance between two cultures. And not fully fitting into either. I constantly have to define myself.

Kujichagulia
To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.

I wrote a very angry poem in 1999 that began with those words. But i don’t wish to share it or continue to hold that anger paired with this principle because I now recognize that the principles of Kwanzaa come from a place of peace, hope & community.

Now I am not Black American nor can I speak from the Black experience. But the most important lesson I learned from this training today is that instead of focusing on our differences we need to embrace our similarities.  All of those in the training today came from very different cultural backgrounds and experiences. ALL of us were raised to respect each other. And if you break down every argument, every side, every protest…..what you will find is a cry for respect!

WE MATTER!!

Thin Line

Struggling with some feelings this week. I want to write but i can’t get my thoughts straight so i looked through my poem book for inspiration and reflection. 

I’ll probably be working through these feelings in the next couple weeks via this blog.

Here’s to the anger that i’ve been feeling lately. 

Thin Line

Only God knows why
I write this on the verge of tears.
Wait.
I want to cry out but my lips are sealed.
Only God knows why I write this on the verge of rage.
Listen.
I want to lash out  but I can’t escape this cage.

Only God knows why I write this on the verge of agony.
Now.
I want to end my suffering but then that would end the story.

Only God knows why I write this on the verge of screaming. 
Hey.
I want to let it all out but then they will see my demons.

Only God know why I finish this on the verge of relief.
No.
I want peace but I won’t find it until I am freed.

1/10/2000

#truth
Eliremixed

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Papercamera

#tbt Perception & Reality

I have been helping a friend through a breakup and sharing some of my experiences with her. I think I’ve learned something through every relationship and every crush. I have plenty of poetry about heartbreak.

This next one is not one of them.

Perception or Reality
I look back at what has come to be of this relationship between you and me.
Stemming out of nothing
and then unraveling at the seams.
Things fall apart
and so did we.
But there is certainly no negativity
and no animosity.
It’s  just the way things have to be.

But now I’ve had time to think about it, joke about it and analyze it.
(Because I could never cry about it).
My final realization is summed up in this declaration:
You weren’t man enough to deal with this womanly possession.
Need clarification?
It’s perception turned reality.
You perceived me as a woman therefore you pursued me.
I thought you were a man and let you you seduce me.
My perception was distorted but then I saw reality.
I was too much of a woman and you weren’t man enough for me.

Eli 1999

#truth
EliRemixed

#tbt Elastic Heart

#tbt: Elastic ♡

The words come out of your mouth and tumble onto my soul
Like ninja stars with poison tips causing hollowness.
I don’t have time to wince.
Gilette against my wrist
Your words slice just deep enough.
Your words hurt and burn
Not like a slap in the face
Not anymore anyway.
But like cold seeping in
Destroying from within

Eli. 2004

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Well I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart, but your blade it might be too sharp. I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard, I may snap and I move fast but you won’t  see me fall apart ’cause I’ve got an elastic heart.”
Elastic Heart” by Sia

#truth
EliRemixed

#tbt Hater

You hate me
Meet with the witch to mix your potions.
Incantations, candles & all that hocus pocus.
Don’t realize that the envious smoke blinds your eyes.
Pray for destruction ’til it bounces off the skies.
Bitter jealousy with every breath.
Spitting poison with every word & every lie.
Sign your soul off to the Devil just to see me die.
You waste your time.

So hate me.

6/99

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#truth
EliRemix

#tbt Atabey

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This is my rendition or Atabey
Taino Supreme Goddess, Mother of the Supreme Being, Respected Mother, Mother of Waters

Medium: Colored pencils on sketch paper. 2002

Atabey

A vision
A landscape of beautiful caramel & ebony beings climbing
over Earth Mother’s green belly
so as to nestle in her vast arms
wishing to suckle at her breast 
drink her golden milk
dancing & worshiping at her feet
calling out her near forgotten name
¡Atabey!
Wishing to live and
be reborn from her nurturing womb.
Lost children
Looking for what was once home.

-Eli
10/2000

#truth
EliRemix

#tbt Silly Little Girl

Silly little girl original artwork/self portrait.     Media: Colored pencils on sketch paper.        Year: 2000

Mindspace: I drew this after I moved back home when I graduated from my undergrad program. 

2014-10-30 10.57.06

 

Only for me

 

Because of the tears it brings

Year’s of yearning to be free.

Trying to figure out what it means to be me.

Longing for something to call my own.

Something to nurture

Something to love.

So I discovered this Gift

And I am giving it to ME.

 

Eli 2000

#truth

EliRemix

#tbt self portrait

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If tears be the ink of the poet
Then sorrow is inspiration.
My soul can speak volumes
With no set limitations. 

If tears be the ink of the poet
Then shouldn’t I not waste them?
But who can reverse waterfalls
Once they’re rumbling toward the edge?

If tears be the ink of the poet
Then my art shall never perish.
Though it hurts, it brings relief
These outpourings that I cherish.

Eli

#truth
EliRemix